“Let it go!”

How many times have I heard this, read this, tried this?  HOW?  Most of the time people need to let go of resentments, shame, and/or guilt.  The old analogies that if you resent someone you take them everywhere you go (including vacations) and that they live rent free in your head is true.  Personally, I like the “you’re drinking the poison and waiting for them to die” version. I got the concept that by resenting someone I needed two shovels–one to dig their grave and one for my own.  But how do you forgive them and really let it go?

There are a lot of tools out there I’ve tried, but it seemed that my resentments only went into “remission”; they weren’t “cured”.  They came back when I was tired or whatever caused my brain chemistry to alter and presumably lower my serotonin levels.  These tools helped, but I didn’t get real results until I started studying the brain.  We use 10% of our mind while conscious.  So…what does the other 90% do other than make our hearts beat and run the involuntary organs, etc. to keep us alive?  I started getting a glimpse of my subconscious mind through meditation.  And writing.

None of this is new information.  Mind power is huge.  I decided that I wanted to control my mind.  I didn’t want to obsess on anything negative.  I was always put into fear when it started spinning.  But, it’s my mind!  Who was up there with all of that negative self-talk and defeatist attitude?  I still don’t have an answer to that question.  But I do know this–I had to make room to move on with my life to be truly free of resentments.  I did this by using the tools I had used before:  pray for the people I resented for 30 days (or more), a God box, and stop talking about them to other people. This was crucial because it took the power out of it.  And I had to ask myself,  What was I getting out of this?  What was my part in this situation? Human beings are selfish by nature and don’t voluntarily participate in anything unless they get something out of it.  I believe anger is a drug.  Hello.

Clearing my mind was the difficult part.  I had to get my mind in shape by working it out.  It’s the same as getting your body in shape and it takes commitment and time.  Sitting perfectly still while meditating made me want to have a peaceful mind.  It felt unbalanced to have a perfectly still body and a mind on a merry-go-round.  I literally did this a few seconds at a time.  I had good results with guided meditations too.  Following someone else’s voice was a great place to start.

While going through my day, I would try my best to stay present and think about what I was thinking about.  I also checked my motives for EVERYTHING.  This is where honesty came in.  Whose benefit did I say that for?  Post that on social media?  E-mail that, etc.?  This helped me become a better listener. I also focused on what the other person was actually saying and I learned to never interrupt.  Ever.  This was huge and it created a calmness within me. Lesson–Active listening is an acquired tool.

As far as resentments, I was determined to be rid of them.  Whenever they came up (like scum on top of a cesspool) I stopped and became perfectly still.  Then I asked God to bless that person or persons and asked that they would forgive me for any wrongdoing.  At this point, I had already worked on developing compassion for them. It is true that hurt people hurt.  Compassion came through sincere gratitude.  Gratitude is great if it’s real.  But, it has to be backed up with a feeling of thankfulness.  When it occurred to me that these people whom I resented probably had no concept of the spiritual side of life, I sincerely felt sorry for them.  They seemed to still be blowing through their lives chasing what people thought about them and a new car.  Shallow.  Sad.  Thank you God I’m past that.  Thank you.

Atonement.  Cleaning up your side of the street creates incredible freedom.  Honesty…do you owe an apology or apologies?  I think it’s best to do it face to face, but if that’s too overwhelming you can do it via e-mail, social media, etc.  It’s better to do it hiding behind something than not doing it at all.  Amends are magical because they make space to create something amazing in your life.  Amazing to you and that’s all that matters.

Now that I had some space in my mind, I wasn’t thinking about what other people thought of me or what I could obtain materially.  I was learning and creating.  By learning new things, the old things that didn’t serve me were crowded out of my mind.  And what a waste to spend time talking and thinking about other people’s affairs.  Gossip is ego.  Period.  What about the galaxies, stars, animals, cultures, plants, art, music, great people who walked the earth etc.? Isn’t this much more interesting than someone cheating on their wife with a co-worker.  Pitiful.

So, I suggest: learn a new language, read books (fiction and non-fiction), get in physical shape, get in mental shape, and most important…find out what your passion is and pursue it.  Life is not a dress rehearsal.  Go!