This is it…the answer to addiction, mental illness, personality disorders, etc. Note that I said answer–not cure.  Every human being is different and complex, so each of us has to be taken on a case-by-case basis. Obviously, this isn’t going to work for someone with paranoid schizophrenia (genetic or drug-induced types). My assumption is that it will work for the type of person who reads my blog. I know, without a doubt, that it works for me.

The main reason arguments are ineffective is because usually, you have two people arguing who can’t even tell themselves the truth–no doubt you have at least one. In addition to this, there isn’t much listening during an argument. If a person doesn’t have very much self-honesty, then it isn’t possible for another person to make them have it. So, people sometimes yell in arguments to drive their point home. This is about as effective as yelling at a deaf person. I’ve actually seen this happen with deaf people and someone who doesn’t speak the other person’s language. Funny, but ridiculous.

Self-honesty is hard. It starts with motives. You have to ask yourself what your motives truly are about everything if you really want to discover your own truth which is who you really are. Motives are surprising because there are a lot more of them in different realms than most people think. You have to be willing to constantly ask yourself questions about your own motives and you have to be willing to dig deep. Most people do not mean what they say or say what they mean and most of what they do say is loaded (passive-aggressive).

Motive Questions for Self-Honesty:

1. Am I trying to be manipulative to get something I want?

2.  Why did I say that?  Honesty, Accuracy, and Authenticity should be behind everything you say, or you shouldn’t say it.

3. Do I have relationships with people because of who they are?  (job title, social standing, etc.? In reality, our job titles, etc. are not who we are). Key point–this is so shallow you should be embarrassed about it.

4. Do I look down on people? If so, do I realize that I do this out of fear and insecurity?

5. Am I a brown-noser?

6. Do I really love my partner, or do I love his/her money?

7. Do I try to impress people with money, etc.?  Or act like I have money when I don’t?

8. Am I jealous of someone?

9. Is my “tact” passive-aggressiveness?

The list is endless. By nature, human beings are manipulative. The sad part is that a relationship can only go so deep if people don’t have self-honesty. You have to have an honest relationship with yourself first. You have to be your own best friend. You have to love yourself unconditionally. There is no other way. When someone loves themselves unconditionally, they aren’t taking selfies, photoshopping them, then putting them on social media. That’s egotism which is insecurity and a lack of confidence. Loving yourself is loving you which is basically your thoughts. Your spirit and soul are your thoughts. Everything is linked.  All we have is our thoughts. Think about it.  Pun intended. LOL.

Obviously, everything starts with our thoughts. This includes good things and bad things. Bad thinking can lead to murder. Bad thinking cannot exist with self-honesty. They are two opposing forces. Self-honesty can’t blame anyone, so there’s no resentment towards others. Self-honesty requires responsibility and maturity. The next time someone complains to you about an argument they had with someone else, ask them what was their part in it. Then get a good laugh at the dumbfounded expression on their face. It will take them a couple of seconds, but their lying mind will start twisting everything and almost immediately it will be about the other person again. Pathetic.

In general people are liars. They will lie to get out of trouble, to make someone look bad, to cheat someone out of something, to make themselves look good (in their minds anyway), etc. Lying in the outside world makes it blatantly apparent that the liar doesn’t have much self-honesty. Self-honesty has to come first. People will lie when the truth will do. They lie so much to themselves that they believe it. Denial is lying and it’s deadly regarding addictions, mental illnesses, and personality disorders. The lying twists and turns of the mind lead to self-destruction. On an unimaginable level.

In reality, only a few people will stop and look at themselves. If you’re reading this, you are in the minority and you should congratulate yourself for this. It’s huge! Self-honesty takes humility and it’s scary. Combined with gratitude, it’s powerful and will take you to levels you didn’t even know existed. It takes a special person to really go there. The true test is when life gets hard–if your job is on the line if it will put more money in your pocket, etc. Your word is you–your thoughts made up of your spirit and soul. Your word is one of the most valuable things you have so it should be treasured. Remember, we don’t get to take anything material with us so we should focus on what we can! And spiritual stuff is way more interesting than anything material.