When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. – Maya Angelou

Common sense is uncommon these days. Because most people come from significantly dysfunctional families, we tend to go by what people say rather than what they do. Most people from dysfunctional families can’t tell themselves the truth so lying to others is “normal.” We live our lives so fast-paced that we miss most non-verbal communication which is about 93% of the message–this is called the 7% rule. That’s right, only 7% of communication is verbal!

S L O W D O W N…

Our thoughts are all we have so we need to get this right. All of the money in the world cannot buy emotional intelligence and this is where real happiness is. One of the problems with our world is the definition of happiness. Believe it or not, a person can be happier living in a cardboard box rather than inside a beautiful mansion. We have to make our minds beautiful first because, in reality, this is where we live.

I’ve heard the world referred to as being “broken”. It appears that a lot of it is. I’m not sure if people are worse today or not, but the world in which children grow up today is dramatically different from how it was just a few years ago. Whatever the case, it is critical that we slow down and develop active listening and observation skills. We also need to trust our gut feelings. Many people are deceitful and it’s up to us to hone in on our intuition to protect ourselves (and others we care about). First impressions are often wrong–especially when it’s a dating situation. We have to know who we are in order to not be taken advantage of.

If we don’t learn to love ourselves and become our own best friends, then we will not be able to have a successful relationship with someone else. People do not respect needy, clingy people. It is imperative that we know who we are and what we stand for. Some of our personal belief system needs to be written in pencil so we can keep our minds open.

It is scary to realize how sick some people really are. “Narcissist” is a big buzz word these days and most people don’t realize that there’s a long spectrum for it. An example of a low-level narcissist would be an arrogant brain surgeon. A malignant narcissist is at the other end of the spectrum and these people are deadly. They’re psychopaths with higher IQ’s. Learn to identify them and run away as fast as possible.

A friend of mine’s father was dying and she was about to inherit a large sum of money. On his death bed, he told her, “Just remember one thing, when it comes to a couple of bucks, you can forget everything you know about a person.”

Here’s a list of things I do to be able to read people better:

• The most important thing is to look them in the eyes and go with your gut about what you see/feel when you do.
• If they have a history of being deceitful, you probably shouldn’t be talking to them anyway, unless it can’t be helped (if you’re at work, etc.)
• Talk to them about something you know is true and memorize their behavior. If their behavior changes regarding another topic, they’re probably lying (fidgety, defensive, what they’re saying is too spectacular). Also, memorize part of what you think they’re lying about. If they’re lying, they won’t remember exactly what they said so when a changed version of the story comes up in the future, you’ll have a valuable reference point.
• How do you feel when you’re around that person? This is telltale about the relationship.
• DON’T BE CO-DEPENDENT! Do not do something that is not good for you because you’re afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings. You do not owe that to anyone! You owe yourself more respect than that.
• Stand tall and stand on your own two feet. Any sick dependence on anyone is a way of prostituting yourself in some fashion.