It scares me that I have to continually remind myself of the consequences I will face if I choose to participate in a particular behavior. The old saying, “You’re drinking the poison and waiting for the other person to die” is haunting. I have come to the conclusion that as human beings we automatically default to the easier choice which is usually not in our best interest. This falls under the human “doing” being on auto-pilot thus sleepwalking through your life category.
But how do you not do this? Fortunately, there are tools. It saddens me that very few entities provide these. They are not new and I certainly didn’t create them. It seems most of what we really need in life was figured out by the ancients. It also seems to be washing away. In my opinion, it’s been masked as “cures” for symptoms (never treating the actual problems) and almost always involves someone making money off of it. Everyone wants more money and that’s okay. But lying with tricky marketing and getting people’s hopes up by selling them products that do NOT work is wrong. Just because it’s legal doesn’t make it moral. The products I’m referring to are self-help books, therapy, counseling, rehab, diet pills, etc. Not all of these fall into the greedy bastards category, but I think most do. However, we are responsible for arming ourselves with good information so we don’t fall for their slyness. And they’re slick – never forget that.
I’m going to list some things that have helped me. I would love comments about this page with tools that have worked for you. These are not written in any particular order. I just wrote what came to mind first.
1. Prayer Box – Any box will do, but it’s nice to pick out something special. I write my prayer/concern about myself or others, date it and put it in the box. Every so often, when it feels right, I read my cards and, almost always, my prayer/concern has been solved or has improvement. Not always, but more often or not. This has instilled a lot of hope and faith within me. This is also a good time to remind ourselves that we don’t see what doesn’t happen.
2. About every six months or so, I sit myself down and look back to see what has changed. There’s sameness in something that hasn’t changed too (you have to figure this one out on your own). I look at externals, but it’s the internal stuff I focus on. I ask myself, What isn’t happening anymore? What resentment(s) is gone or shows some improvement? Who do I not think about anymore? This can be positive or negative. How much have I grown spiritually? This tool seems a bit trite, but in reality, it’s one of the most important ones because you can’t have “it” both ways. By this I mean, you cannot, never will, it is not possible to have sickness in your mind and have real peace. I didn’t realize how crucial this was until I became really connected by meditation. Now, I do my best to clear the air with any conflicts. I have even apologized when I wasn’t in the wrong to maintain my peace of mind. For externals, I start with my job and look at which employees are not longer there, and who is new. Externals are individualistic so you’ll know what to ask yourself. A lot changes in a day, but it’s like having a fur baby and watching him/her grow up to be an adult fur baby. You see that your fur baby is getting bigger, but you never really see it happen. It’s the same thing with each day. A lot of change. This is the sameness I was referring to earlier – lots of things change when nothing changes. You have to look back to remember the miracles that have occurred in your life. And if you don’t look back, they’ll fade away. It’s human nature to let that happen.
3. Gratitude List – Why do so many people gag when they think about doing this? LOL. I think it’s because it’s not heartfelt and doesn’t create expectations. You can write your list on anything, but I got a nice journal for my lists and I enjoy it. I have a list of the “standard” things I’m grateful for and I write on my list “Thank you for the gift of my standards”. For me, this includes family, friends, health, bills paid, etc. While I am truly grateful for these, I get sick of writing them over and over and the heartfelt gratitude became a ritual. I had this weird feeling that I had to write them down every time I did a gratitude list. Now when I write thanks for the “standards”, I take a quick minute and feel the heartfelt vibration. Then I write what I’m really grateful for at that time. This has been the only way I have come to enjoy writing the list while maintaining that heartfelt vibration. My entries here have surprised me. Now the really fun part…I write a list for things I want and act as if I have received them. For example, “I am so grateful for my apartment in NYC”, “Thank you so much for paying off my credit card”, “Thank you for guidance with my writing”. It’s just things that if/when they come true, they are good for me and won’t hurt anyone else. And it’s things I really, really want. As I said, this is the good part. If you want to know what you’re grateful for, pretend you lose something you have – your sight, job, house, etc.
4. ***IMPORTANT*** Write a letter to yourself forgiving yourself for all of your regrets. When you get down and go there and start beating yourself up, read the letter to yourself. S L O W L Y. You will have little or no success trying to think yourself out of being in a “funk”. I have had pretty much zero success without the letter. I think it’s obvious how to write this and it’s also individualistic. I think this is a particularly good tool for alcoholics/addicts because of the shame they carry. The truth is, it’s not their fault, but it is their responsibility. They were not in their right frame of mind when they did the things they were ashamed of. And they couldn’t think their way out of it either. I think this tool would be good for those who suffer from mental illnesses too. This tool creates self-love. Unfortunately, we truly are our own worst enemy. I think ending the letter with a short list of your attributes is best. “I am a good person, I forgive myself, I am proud that I’m facing my demons, my heart is in the right place, I’m trying to grow, I was a very sick person, etc., etc. Regrets are dangerous and they invite blame. No blaming allowed. And the person(s) you’re blaming may be a horrific person who really damaged you. The question is, do you want to soar or not? Are they really worth it?
5. Write a list of the consequences you will suffer for participating in a certain behavior and make yourself read it before you act out. Write how you will really feel if you eat half of that cake? And BTW, thinking is a behavior. Thinking is everything. You become what you think about. It is against spiritual law and completely impossible to hurt someone without hurting yourself. Add that to your list. Revenge and vengeance does require the digging of a second grave. We are all connected whether you like it or not. But, you have to get that anger out. People suck. They’re mean, unfair, gossipy, hurtful, etc. And these are the ones who need the most love. These are the ones when you pray for them, you pray they have an accident. How do you love someone who is so easy to hate? This is the hardest part and it’s a process, usually a lengthy one. First, put them in your prayer box. Second, create a mantra and when they come to mind, use it. For example, your boss is an ego maniac with an inferiority complex and hates you because you’re a threat. He/she belittles you, no one does anything about it, etc., etc. When he/she comes to mind, replace the thought with your mantra. I had the nastiest boss ever and I live in an at-will employment state and it was ridiculous that it was allowed to go on. So, my mantra was, “There is nothing I can do to hurt her that she hasn’t already done and is still doing to herself (she weighed 400 pounds). I am so grateful to be out of the material game of life and she will probably never figure it out so she’s destined for even more misery. She is a teacher and I am learning how to not let someone else control my emotions. She does not merit thought or conversation. My time is precious and she’s not allowed to live in my head and waste it, etc. etc.” It’s a bit long, but she was really mean. LOL. I had a resentment against her for a long time. How was I supposed to love her? I hated her guts. I made a lot of progress when I developed sympathy for her. I did this by visualizing I was her. I woke up and I was her. I felt horrible. I hurt. I was angry and depressed (same thing). I was scared because I couldn’t quit eating and I was morbidly obese. I was scared to die. I hated getting dressed and looking in the mirror because I disgusted myself. And then it really hit me…I went to work and it was the only thing I had (that was the key to my freedom – it was the only thing she had). I had “fake” friends there, I got to dump my hate by taking it out on innocent employees. I had an ego at work. I didn’t have any self-confidence so the ego was the best part. It was pitiful. Then I thought about my life. I wake up excited about my day. I know who I am and am free from the materialistic part of the world. I am on an amazing spiritual journey. I love my cat. I really, really love my kitty! I know my passions and enjoy them. I am truly blessed. The refusal of allowing yourself to drink the poison and wait for someone else to die is mandatory. Realize that your resentment is like casting a bad spell on yourself. Get out of that cesspool! But in reality, that anger will probably still come up from time to time which makes sense to me if someone has mistreated you. This may sound funny, but buy a wiffle ball bat. When you’re mad, use that bat and beat the hate out on your bed. Yell, cry, and curse. The point is, get it out. You have to get it out. This in combination with the above methods that are seemingly more peaceful will work magic. And you know what? You are all you’ve got and you have a right to be mad. You also have a responsibility to get it out appropriately (you can pretend the bed you’re beating to death is your ex). An remember, everything you’re doing here is for you. It’s to make you a happy, peaceful person. You deserve it, so give yourself this gift.
6. Try to stay present and spend your day being a perfect listener. NEVER interrupt. Do not speak until someone is completely finished and give them your undivided attention. Listening is a behavior and a deliberate act. And pay attention to what you say, it’s prophesying. To become a better listener, you have to sit still and actual listen. You can tell how good of a listener you are by asking yourself two questions. Are you thinking about what you’re going to say while the other person is talking? When you are introduced to someone, do you remember their name? If your answers are no, you need to work on it. Most of us do, it’s a skill and a magnificent tool towards self-love. People will respect you more too.
7. Take care of yourself – get enough sleep, eat well, and work out. I live in an area with a lot of environmentalist. This isn’t a bad thing. There are, however, those I refer to as the “green people.” They only eat organic food, they have their causes…and they’d save a tree rather than their own sister. Clue for the “green people” – the chemicals your body releases with your anger over plastic grocery bags being allowed is deadly. It makes your vegan, organic only, body worshiping attempts null and void. You might as well go to Dairy Queen and eat that blizzard you know you want. Get a large. If you are putting anything before another human being you lose. I’m not saying don’t save the tree. I’m saying, don’t abuse anyone in the process of trying to do it. If you’re going to great lengths to get a bird labeled endangered that hasn’t been seen in the area since the 70’s, and in doing so all of the farmers in the area will go broke, you need to look at that. Hello. Yes people suck, but they are God’s proudest creation for a reason. Dig deep and get to your pain which is really what’ s causing your anger. Leave that plastic bag alone!
8. Remember we’re here to be of service and our time is like a puff of smoke, the snap of a finger, or the blink of an eye. Sometimes you have to fake yourself out. If you don’t want to go somewhere, pretend you do and that you’re looking forward it. Life is going to happen regardless. Life is what happens while we plan it. All of the things people worry about are unnecessary. We’re here to learn and it can’t be done in a way which gives us empathy through books. That why it’s called living. We have to live it. We come into the world with nothing and we leave with nothing, so why stress about it now? You go bankrupt and lose your house, you lose your job, you get a disease…it’ s all temporary. Take it in stride and look at it as an adventure, the great ride of life. If it’s subject to fire, it’s basically worthless in the big scheme of things. Focus on what really matters which is relationships – with yourself, family, friends, co-workers, enemies, and your fur babies. Are you your own best friend?
9. Do something you’ve never done before – break your routine. This will give you something else to think about. Take a different route home. Go to a restaurant you’ve never been before and order something you’ve never eaten. Make a donation to a good cause. If something isn’t a win, win situation, then it isn’t a good cause. Hello “green people.” Watch a different news channel – the one that doesn’t share your beliefs. Sometimes doing something you haven’t done before is not doing what you’ve always done. Don’t get into debates with people. Why do they have to share your opinion for you to be okay anyway? And believe it or not, there is more power in the unspoken word. All people hear these days is the spew – politicians, bosses, critics, naysayers, etc. Watch their reaction when they can’t suck you into their little game trying to make you small like them. They will become uncomfortable and try to exit the conversation ASAP. Be early, never late. Commit that you won’t say anything negative/critical for 24 hours. Obviously, this includes gossip. Spewing at the news counts so don’t make this the day you change channels. LOL. Do something that makes you feel uncomfortable so you’ll grow. Visit many different religious services – this is fascinating. Go play bingo. Go bowling. Watch documentaries about things you don’t know much about. It doesn’t matter what it is, it just needs to be different.
10. Create a meditation room. Mine is in my closet. I put all my shoes in plastic boxes so I couldn’t smell them. They didn’t really smell, but the idea of it bothered me (I have issues – LOL). Candles didn’t work because of the soot so I bought those fake, battery operated, votive candles (Dollar Store). I got an oil diffuser that smells like honeysuckles. My prayer box is in there as well as a larger keepsake type box where I keep old letters from my grandmother, a set of pearls she gave me, other pearls and other memorabilia. I have a CD player and a bunch of meditation CD’s. I have accumulated some books too – The Apocrypha, a book about angels, etc. I’m going to paint it a peaceful color as soon as I can decide on the color (probably blue or maybe even silver since it has the highest vibration). I have a couple of pillows to sit on and a pillow for my back. I also picked up some cheap fleece blankets at Walmart. Crazy, but my closet is my favorite room in my house!
11. I did save the best one for last. Go visit the grave of someone who was important to you. Talk to them. If you need to tell them something you weren’t able to when they were here, do it. Ask them for guidance. Maybe you need to visit the grave of someone who harmed you. Tell them how you feel, the damage they did, and your refusal to be a victim. Do your visits when you can have some privacy so you can get it out. I recommend this tool the most. If the grave is too far you can have a private ceremony in your meditation room. Or, you can go somewhere that fits your meeting with this person. If there’s an urn, take it with you. I recommend this tool the most. It seems to help get things going. It’s cleansing. And for whatever reason, people want to do it which is great. Good luck!