The brain is fascinating.  The subconscious is the one and only key to all deep thinking and intense creativity AND, unbelievably,  most people don’t even tap into it within their entire lifetime.  Wow.  Back in 1978, M. Scott Peck’s book, The Road Less Traveled, introduced the idea that science and spirituality did not have distinct separation and were, in a sense, one in the same. This new thinking  began to bridge the gap between the science laboratory and the church, but not without some uproar.

Today, almost 40 years later, the knowledge in this arena is seemingly endless, but it hasn’t come without the price of confusion. Is the serial killer with a nightmare genetic map who was a drug addict in the womb, or a “normal” boy who suffered a terrific frontal lobe injury responsible for the torturous murders he committed over and over and over? What about the malignant narcissist who has reaped havoc on his/her family? Or the drug addict/alcoholic? Anorexic? Gambler? With all of our knowledge today, this list is seemingly endless.  Are these sick (science) or sinful (religious) people? Or both?

I started thinking about this (not by choice) years ago after having lived my entire lifetime with a malignant narcissistic family member who destroyed almost everything in his path while taking unimaginable financial advantage of every blood relation that had a pulse (and some without). Is he responsible? My answer is yes, no and I don’t know. He has a severe frontal lobe injury that occurred during the midst of his addiction and insanity. He was pistol-whipped–it wasn’t pretty! Due to the karmic debt he suffers on a daily basis, it appears to me that he is indeed responsible, but it’s not my place to judge. It’s my place to protect myself from him.

Narcissistic and Borderline Personality Disorders are nasty. Most professionals say there is a zero percent success rate for people with BPD or NPD when referring to the malignant type. In the mental health world, this is called “non-amenable to treatment.” What makes matters worse is that malignant narcissists almost always have partners who have BPD.  They have a symbiotic relationship–meaning they feed off of each other. I highly suggest you stay far, far away–unless you’re a glutton for insanity or addicted to drama. I don’t know how professionals define success in this realm, but I would think being able to move people afflicted with these disorders away from their parasitic role of always having to have a host would be a good start. Notice that I didn’t say they suffered from the disorder. WE suffer from their disorder. Dante’s Inferno lists the seven deadly sins (or cardinal sins) as: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. False Pride is the main ingredient in the disastrous recipe of narcissism.

I’m choosing to write about malignant narcissism because of my intense experience with it (courtesy of the same family member). Malignant Narcissists live in terror of “being found out.”  They create an image of themselves that they “sell” to the outside world and they lie so much about being that image that they mostly believe it themselves. Anything or anyone in their path with the hint of disclosure better look out. This is where the psychotic, malignant narcissistic rant originated. When malignant narcissists rant, they are not only trying to get their audience to believe them, they are trying to convince themselves. The malignant narcissistic rant is their “kill” and it’s serial. Malignant Narcissists are probably the most verbally abusive people on the planet–look out!  Run! For your life and your sanity.

Most malignant narcissists are con-artists and master manipulators. But, the truth stands so they are usually found out sooner rather than later. They have a sense of entitlement, unlike anything I’ve ever seen.  They literally believe the world owes them something…like a living. Not! The malignant narcissist in my family financially gutted all possible family members, then threw them away like garbage when their accounts were drained. The reason he threw them away wasn’t only because the accounts were dry, but because they knew the truth.  A malignant narcissist can’t even face their own truth, so there’s no way in hell someone else is going to have that privilege. But, make no mistake, down the road they will go back for seconds (and thirds, fourths, etc.) if there’s money to be had and often that loving family member will be taken to the cleaners yet again (if it’s a mother, she’ll be taken again and again and again and again, ad infinitum).  Scary.

My malignant narcissistic family member is four years older than me, so it’s all I have ever known–and I’m over 50 years old. Being older and hopefully wiser, I have learned that karma is an exact science that stems from quantum physics which stems from our thoughts and the feelings behind them (Law of Attraction). Below is a quote from John Assaraf:

“Nobel Prize winning physicists have proven beyond doubt that the physical world is one large sea of energy that flashes into and out of being in milliseconds, over and over again.

Nothing is solid.

This is the world of Quantum Physics. They have proven that thoughts are what put together and hold together this ever-changing energy field into the ‘objects’ that we see. ”

I think of quantum physics as how much energy, what kind of energy, its transference to others then its return to origin through the Law of  Vibration on a tiny, cellular level that grows and grows. The world is governed by exact physical and spiritual laws. We don’t question the physical laws like the Law of Gravity, but our doubting starts with the spiritual laws like the Law of Attraction.  I believe that M. Scott Peck and all of the research after his book support the idea of science and spirituality being one in the same or, at the very least, holding hands…tightly.  All of this meshes with the Law of Attraction and creates our reality–more like, we create our reality.

Watching my family member’s karma has been fascinating. Because he has been in and out of my life (self-preservation), I’ve seen his self-created disillusion on both sides of the looking glass. The older he gets, the farther away he goes–emotionally and geographically. Someone needs to be able to make his farce seem even somewhat believable. As for his karmic debt, he is paying back every penny, with interest. Because he has such fierce pride and is seemingly an idiot, he keeps adding to his karmic debt and the compound interest is astounding (and well deserved–he earned it). This is one of the most fascinating traits of a malignant narcissist–they never learn from their mistakes unless it’s about how to be a better scammer. It’s sad and pathetic too because almost everyone in his circle knows the truth, except for him. People often do stupid things, but they aren’t stupid and usually end up seeing the bright light of truth. Life is so simple when we live in humility. He would gain a lot of respect if he would just give up his garbage can of lies. The only thing I cannot fathom is how someone at his age has as much energy as he does to keep living his lie. I get tired just thinking about it. A frightening thing about malignant narcissists is that they are psychopaths with a higher IQ–other than the IQ, they have almost identical traits. Most psychopaths have an IQ less than 100. Malignant narcissists usually have an above average IQ. This makes them a smarter, more cunning psychopath. Remember, no one is immune from their wrath if they expose them. No one.

Back to the serial killer. My opinion is that these people truly cannot help themselves and that they need to be locked up for society’s sake.  I believe that they are made, not born.  A recipe of child abuse and the fact that an estimated 70% of them have frontal lobe abnormalities or injuries says something. Anti-social behavior is characterized by someone not knowing the difference between right and wrong. These types of people live in horror show fantasies most of us wouldn’t even want to think about. Potential serial killers are often bullied and the saying that it takes a village to raise a child continues onward to it takes a village to make a serial killer. Every unkind word and thought each of us ever does causes damage to ourselves and others…period. For me to even try to comprehend the desire to go out on a murderous rampage is impossible. When I look at the karmic debt of a serial killer, I don’t see a lot of it fulfilled except for the prison aspect, and often, there’s a flicker of guilt within the killer’s soul that wants to be caught and wants to go to prison. This is usually so small the killer doesn’t even know he’s feeling it. No matter how buried, I do believe these devils have souls. Yes, they’re evil, but the village helped open the door (wide) for evil to enter so there’s plenty of responsibility to spread around. This is God’s department. I look at the seven deadly sins and don’t see a significant base for the killing. There’s a dusting of them associated with the killings, but that’s with almost everything. With malignant narcissism, the base is pride and it’s hardcore. This is why I think a malignant narcissist is responsible for their behavior–there is a karmic debt attached to it. This gets confusing to me because my family member is “just” a malignant narcissist, but he has a frontal lobe injury.  He’s not a serial killer…yet. Again, God’s department.

Back to the seven deadly sins (or cardinal sins): lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. It seems that addictions and mental illnesses are anchored under these torturous seven. So, if addictions and mental illnesses are genetically based and environmentally provoked, how can it be a sin (religion)? Aren’t these just sick (science) people? My answer is derived from my observations of drug addicts/alcoholics (same thing) who get clean and sober then relapse. Undeniably, drug addicts/alcoholics are protected by that invisible force (God) through active addiction. There should be ten-thousand fold more car accidents, physical accidents, overdoses, etc. What I’ve noticed is that once a drug addict/alcoholic has been shown “the way” through rehab and/or a 12-step program and then they relapse, they lose that protection. It’s astounding. A drunk can drive in a blackout for 20 years without incident or even being arrested, go to AA meetings, get sober, relapse, then almost immediately start suffering catastrophic events like causing a horrible car wreck that wipes out an entire family. This happens over and over again. It’s about responsibility. God protects those who don’t know any better and operate from an insane mind, but once they do know better, they’re responsible so they seem to lose that protection. But God isn’t a pushover. The protection is there, but so is the accumulating karmic debt.

I think if there’s a karmic debt to be paid, then there’s hope. I also believe if someone can truly feel guilty for their behavior then they’re responsible for it. There’s a lot of help out there today–psychiatrists, counselors, therapists, medication, 12 step programs, etc. People who are successful in life often treat both their physiological and spiritual problems. Ex: an alcoholic goes to AA, gets sober, goes to a psychiatrist and is prescribed anti-depressants, then goes to a counselor to deal with childhood issues. We are complex beings. Most narcissists are able to feel guilt–even the malignant ones. Most criminals try to get away with their crimes. Key point–if they’re hiding the behavior, they know they shouldn’t be doing it. This clearly shows that they know right from wrong.  Also, the illusion of a malignant narcissist is a desire most people can understand. Who doesn’t want financial success, etc.? On the other hand, who wants to be a serial killer? Who can imagine wanting to torture and kill a gazillion people?

The Smithsonian magazine published an article where a neuroscientist was studying the brains of psychopaths and discovered that he had the same brain. He contributed to having a loving family as a reason for him not being a serial killer. Love really is the answer and it’s hard. It’s not what many people think regarding difficult people and this ignorance causes a lot of problems for all involved. It’s not about co-signing their lies and bad behavior. It’s about protecting yourself while not making the situation worse. What we say and how we say it is the beginning of world peace. Love takes many forms. Our society today has turned its back on God and leans more toward science. This causes the victim population of society to justify people’s bad behavior (especially their own) which gives them a free out that costs a fortune in many realms. If people are not held responsible for their bad behavior it will continue and it will progress. People are motivated by pain so letting them get away with it only makes it worse. The victim mentality is so prevalent it’s now part of our judicial system. If the courts would start off with stronger punishments for the smaller crimes the escalation would slow or stop as well as the recidivism. Key point–it’s very, very wrong to deny someone their personal growth.

With good boundaries in place, we can lovingly handle almost anything (you’re on your own with the serial killer–LOL). Most people are not well and need help. These people are also the most difficult to love. It’s okay to love from a distance with a mindset of willingness to keep the door open if they ever do turn it around. Unfortunately, unhealthy people are toxic and they pollute so time with them has to be minimal. As a society and a family unit, we have to start taking responsibility for all of our actions and diplomatically making others responsible for theirs. Of course, it’s best to start with kids, but it still needs to start regardless of age. Nothing angers people more than being spoken to with disrespect, so we should start with being responsible for how we treat others. And always remember–you cannot save someone from themselves and if you’re doing more for someone than they’re doing for themselves, you’re enabling them.